Mindful Intimacy with Dr Paz Pt. 1

The Root of the Root

TIP 1: YOUR STORY
One element (among many) that the work Dr Paz and I do share, is an understanding that for there to be healing, change and real progress in any area of our lives where we are experiencing pain, we have to get to the root of where it started. -Bring that to light and you can release it and make way for new patterns to be planted in its place.

So we are kicking off our 3 Tips for Better More Mindful Intimacy Guide with getting to know your story. Today is about taking your own inventory- how did “I” get here- (and blaming our partner isn’t an answer that works). If you don’t have deep intimacy in your relationship right now- on some level you may not be comfortable with it yourself or you are keeping it at a distance for some other reason. Figure out what that is - and you’ll be cooking with gas!

How to:
Start with these three prompts- get a journal out and start by writing the prompt and then keep going, as long as you can go, until you feel like you hit something true and real. An “aha” moment.

1. My first memory of intimacy(not necessarily sex but feeling really close to someone) is….
2. That made me feel….
3. I can see that showing up in my relationship now when….
(feel free to repeat this for subsequent intimate experiences or ones that feel particularly important)

TOOL 1: “I” NOT “YOU”
When we are nervous or feel vulnerable- the default can be to use wording that points out, away from ourselves “you always do this” “you make me feel” etc. And while that may feel successful to our scared inner child it does nothing to bring us closer to the person we are trying to connect to, in fact it does the opposite- it is like being poked and pushed away with words. So we’re going to practice new language. Pro tip- this isn’t just for intimacy talk, try this other areas too!

How to:
After you (and possibly your partner) do the above journaling consider sharing what you learned from what you wrote. In the quiet after the kids are asleep or some other moment that feels calm and safe you might say something like:

”I learned something today that I want to share with you. I know our intimate relationship is something we both want to get even better and I think sharing this might help make that easier. I learned__________________ .”

And that can be that- you don’t even need to share the aspect that you see showing up in your current relationship.In fact try not to. Take the pressure off of the current situation and return to simple sharing of your own experience.

Now off you go! Start getting to the root of the root and join us for more content and events just like this by getting on the info list HERE.